Traveling Together

How to vacation with friends or boyfriends.

John R. Ballew, M.S., L.P.C.

Did you know Italians get 42 days of paid time off from work each year? It’s true, even if that seems like a fantasy for people who live in our hard-working culture. Americans typically earn a week of vacation after a year on the job; after several years of slaving away, that increases to two weeks. Small wonder that we often feel the need to pack as much fun as possible into that 7 to 14 day stretch.

We dream about it all year. We load up the credit cards paying for it. And we have high hopes that our trip to Pensacola or Provence, our hike in the Rockies or our cruise to Ibeza is going to be nothing short of fabulous. And if you’re part of a couple, you’re probably hoping for some romance along with the adventure; if you’re single, maybe you’re sharing your vacation with friends.

Traveling together can be the ultimate test of friendship or romantic compatibility. People can do just fine with one another back home, but 24 hours a day, 7 day a week uninterrupted time together can be difficult. It’s hard to get away from one another when you get on each other’s nerves. One of you wants to see everything there is to see in this new place, and the other one wants to dance all night – or sit in the sun with the latest Michael Crichton novel.

When you are around one another nonstop, little frustrations can become big hassles, and petty arguments become the sort of thing that can ruin a vacation (if not a relationship) when this is your big escape for the year.

Traveling well is an art, and there is more than one way to be good at it. I have a friend who has mastered traveling to Europe for two weeks with only a roll-aboard suitcase. He can also open a bottle of wine when no one remembered to pack a corkscrew for the picnic. Traveling with him is a delight because he’s open to improvising and nothing flusters him.

I have another friend who says about himself, “She doesn’t fly coach.” This guy always does everything with a certain style. Traveling with him is loads of fun – if you don’t mind spending lots and lots of money.

Moral: pick your traveling companions carefully. If you aren’t free to choose who’s going along with you, decide how you’ll handle these sorts of differences when they come up. Because they will! A good rule of thumb, as in so much of life, is to not sweat the small stuff. Successful traveling involves give-and-take. If you’re not open to compromising, traveling is likely to be a chore.

Talk beforehand about what you are most looking forward to on your trip and you’re much more likely to set realistic expectations. If you let your fellow travelers know that you’re excited about the nightlife on your cruise and will probably be sleeping late as a result, they aren’t likely to feel abandoned when you’re not joining them for early-morning aerobics.

Getting your needs met while accommodating the needs of others is the sort of social art that helps to build a rich life and important friendships. And great travel stories. So decide for yourself that having a bad time just isn’t an option, and don’t forget to pack your camera!

John R. Ballew, M.S., is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality and relationships and spirituality. He can be reached via the web at www.bodymindsoul.org or at (404) 874-8536.