The Holidaze

Minimizing stress and maximizing happiness during the busiest time of the year.

John R. Ballew, M.S.

The holidays. When you’re busy with an overcrowded schedule, a shopping list a block long and a barrage of emotions ranging from sentimental to edgy, it’s hard to remember that the word comes from “holy days.” Spiritual pursuits can easily be crowded a side by the barrage of parties, credit card charges and emotional entanglements brought by the time of year from Thanksgiving to New Years Day.

We can set ourselves up for stress by needing to be Superman, to do anything and everything that might be required to make the yuletide, well, gay.

If you find this time of year a trip down memory lane, filled only with happiness and light – good for you. But if you find yourself stretched and stressed by expectations and the frantic pace of the winter holidays, maybe this year is the time to try something different.

Start by becoming aware of your own expectations. If the photos in Martha Stewart Living look nothing like life inside your condo, don’t take that as evidence of your own inadequacy. And if your family is more like the Ozbournes than the Osmonds, why set yourself up for disappointment? You don’t have to be perfect. Try accepting yourself as you are this year, and cut your friends and family the same slack.

If you’re overwhelmed by party invitations and plans to see the Rockettes, the Nutcracker, the Messiah, the Gay Men’s Chorus concert, etc., why not let yourself pick and choose what suits you best? You can’t do everything – at least, not without wearing yourself out. There’s no need to fill every moment in your schedule book. Take time to relax.

Consider the importance of relationships in your life. Meaningful contact with people you value can be much more fulfilling than running from event to event. Overspending on presents isn’t going to make you feel better about not spending enough time with people you love. Do the choices you make during the holidays reflect what’s most important to you?

Feeling isolated or alone? You’ve got company. Many people – especially those who have experienced the loss of a love during the past year – find themselves feeling well outside the social whirl. Sometimes those feelings can slide down into depression, especially during the time of year when the days are short and the nights are long and cold. Reaching out, even if it’s difficult, can make a difference. Don’t wait for someone to call you. Pick up the phone. Helping others who are less fortunate can provide a correcting perspective when we’re feeling lost and alone. If you need professional help, don’t be embarrassed to contact a counselor or therapist.

Avoid the urge to join in the media-fed shopping celebration by wearing a whole in your credit rating. Come the week after Christmas, newspapers and magazines are predictably full of self-help advice for getting out of holiday debt. Better advice: avoid getting into trouble in the first place. Set a budget and stick to it.

Many of us have effective self-care habits that keep us rolling along all year…except during the holidays. We find ourselves eating stuff we don’t enjoy and isn’t good for us. We skip workouts. We drink too much. A little overindulgence is a good thing, but a month of it can wear us out. Take good care of yourself and you’ll be just fine.

John R. Ballew, M.S., is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality and relationships and spirituality. He can be reached via the web at www.bodymindsoul.org or at (404) 874-8536.