Starting Fresh in the New Year

With the slate wiped clean and a brand new calendar on the wall, it’s time to think about where you’re heading.

John R. Ballew, M.S., L.P.C.

Something interesting happens to us this time of year. Even those of us who have a tendency to be down-in-the-dumps during the dead of winter find a bit of optimism when the New Year starts. We imagine all sorts of possibilities: new job, new physique, and new relationship. Everything seems possible!

It’s good and healthy to believe that change is possible. Believing that things can be different is half the battle. Unfortunately, wishing alone doesn’t make it so. Change requires consistent effort over time, whether your goal is to find Mr. Right, to stop smoking or to get yourself in peak physical condition.

Ask yourself two questions before you start writing those New Year resolutions. First, are your goals realistic? If you don’t really believe in what you’re proposing, you’re wasting your breath. And second, is it within your power to accomplish your goals? Winning the lottery is a hope, not a goal, and getting lucky isn’t a strategy for changing things.

Focus on what’s in your own power to control. Notice if there are ways you sabotage yourself. Some of us give lip service to goals that actually scare us to death. We undermine ourselves and pretend we’re stuck or helpless. Is that the way you want to lead your wild and precious gay life?

With that in mind, here are some ways you can make the New Year a more powerful time for creating change:

Make sure your goals are clear. Goals you can quantify are best; “Invest 10 hours a week in searching for a better job” is more effective than “start a new career by March.” And see if you can state your goals in positive terms so they reinforce that you’re creating something good in your life, not just nagging yourself.

Think big by starting small. Changing one or two things at a time is more likely to be productive than making grand plans that melt before Groundhog Day. Little successes build positive momentum and help you believe in yourself.

Get the word out. Share your intentions with your friends. Peer pressure may have been bad for you in high school, but it can be a big help when you’re making changes in your life. Let them know you’d like them to ask about your progress. (Remember to ask real friends for their support, people who want you to be successful.) If you say you want to stop smoking and they hassle you when you light up, that’s a good thing.

Write down your progress and pat yourself on the back. Being able to see change happen over time can be very encouraging, especially with big goals. And don’t forget to congratulate yourself on your accomplishments. Being able to love and support yourself is a key to emotional well-being.

Reward yourself. Plan for a payoff when you reach your goal, or when you hit certain milestones along the way. Focusing on the prize helps keep you motivated.

Start now. The past is dead and gone. The future will be here before you know it. It’s in this present moment that your power lies. Grab hold of it!

Here’s hoping the New Year brings you health, happiness and all sorts of good things.

John R. Ballew, M.S., is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality and relationships and spirituality. He can be reached via the web at www.bodymindsoul.org or at (404) 874-8536.