Is Religion at War with Gay People?

John R. Ballew, M.S., L.P.C.

If religion is at all important to you, you’ve probably found newspaper headlines this summer tough to read. While gay people are making progress in secular areas – the Supreme Court decision invalidating the Texas sodomy law, marriage rights becoming a reality in Canada, even the advent of shows like “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” – a religious storm has been brewing. Jerry Falwell has announced a jihad against equal marriage rights. The Southern Baptists and other fundamentalist organizations make their usual pronouncements. Even the positive news from the Episcopalians in electing openly gay Rev. Gene Robinson bishop of New Hampshire has been accompanied by unwarranted attacks on his character and news about an anti-gay backlash.

But if there is a contest to see who can be most destructive to the spirituality of gay and lesbian people, the Vatican wins hands-down. It’s pronouncement at the end of July attacking what it calls “unions between homosexual persons” goes so far assign “humanity” only to procreative sex between married heterosexuals. It goes on to state: “allowing children to be adopted by persons living in such unions would actually mean doing violence to these children.”

The Vatican ignores the growing body of evidence that says kids thrive in loving households, regardless of the sexual orientation of the parents. Kids adopted or born into gay families are indistinguishable from other children and grow into healthy adults.

Religion is not universally homophobic, of course. Some Christian denominations welcome and affirm gay and lesbian people, as many Jewish congregations. Buddhism is generally not concerned with sexual orientation.

In American culture, however, it’s the Christian churches that garner most of the media attention. And even gay men and women who left the church long ago can find that the steady drumbeat of negative news wearing on their spirits. This hostile religious atmosphere creates family problems for gay people with religious parents. The message that our relationships, sexuality and our very selves are second-rate fuels depression and internalized homophobia. And that complicates the process of forming healthy relationships.

What are gay people to do in the face of this sort of religious hostility? First, try giving yourself some perspective. We’re in a time of enormous social progress. Opposition is to be expected. If we weren’t making progress, the opposition wouldn’t be so strong. Change is messy, but it’s happening – even within churches.

Just the same, don’t accept anyone telling you that you and your relationships are second-class – even if that someone is the Pope. Jesus said nothing about homosexuality, but he had a lot to say about self-righteous religious leaders.

Seek out positive spiritual resources including books, organizations and supportive congregations. There are dozens of congregations in Atlanta where you would be welcome as an openly gay person.

Look at whether your spiritual practices nourish you or are maintained mostly out of habit. What worked for you at one time in your life may not at another. Meditation can be a way of maintaining your spiritual center and a connection with the divine that is pure and simple and free of unhelpful dogma.

The well-justified anger gay men and women have towards organized religion sometimes makes us wonder how anyone could be emotionally healthy and yet identify with religion. The unfortunate result is that those who identify with a religious practice can feel attacked from both sides. Avoid getting defensive; you don’t owe anyone other than yourself an explanation. Spirituality is a matter of the heart at least as much as the head. You’re entitled to make choices that are right for you.

John R. Ballew, M.S., is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality and relationships and spirituality. He can be reached via the web at www.bodymindsoul.org or at (404) 874-8536.